Zoo Notes & Monkey Updates

Glee (noun): open delight or pleasure

2011-11-08T10:30:00.000-08:00

There have been three recent teen deaths in our community. Two have been proven suicides and the last is undetermined, but most likely, alcohol related. Very sad...very sad indeed. I can't imagine how their families are dealing with the pain. I feel it deeply. I have five children of my own; three are still teens living at home.

So I was thinking this past week on why I should be grateful for my own teenagers...why I should be thankful that they are who they are. At first, I thought this could be tough. There are days where I could just get in the car and drive away from the madness. Other days, I feel like throwing them all in the trunk and driving them to some far away desert, with no water or electricity or toilet facilities. But then, somewhere in my brain (and heart) a switch turned on....and I was enlightened.

My 16 year old daughter loves the show "Glee". Did I say "loves"? I meant LOVES! It doesn't help that she has fallen for two of the actors; Chris Colfer and Max Adler. She is extremely artistic and considers a perfect day is when I leave her alone so she can draw, create, and play games on her laptop, all while watching 12 hours of Glee episodes. She is not interested in alcohol, drugs, or parties. How darn lucky am I??

My 14 year old son plays football, loves to come home after school and considers the perfect weekend as being one where I leave him alone to play games on the Playstation and watch the Patriots kick butt. That's it. He is still shy, loves to eat, loves to be home and is not interested in drugs, alcohol, parties, girls or dating (yet!). How many parents can say that?

I also have a 13 year old daughter. She will be someone to watch as she is the social butterfly. Still a bit shy but makes friends easily, is into fashion and makeup, loves her family, loves her animals and although she likes boys, is not "into" dating them (yet!). She also has found a common interest with her sister in the show "Glee". I have to give a shout out to "Glee" as they have brought my girls together again and it warms this mother's heart to hear them in each others rooms either discussing the next episode or watching past ones. Thank you...thank you...THANK YOU!

When I think back on this last week, with the tragedies and funerals, I was originally sad and extremely depressed about life. Then I found my soul. I picked up my children from school and listened to them laughing and I was born again. My kids were safe...and good...and gleeful.

I am rich beyond words. I am gleeful myself.

A whale of a good time.

2011-08-08T15:51:00.000-07:00

Recently in a large city in Australia, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)

They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.

They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.

They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia.

Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.

They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.

They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist.

If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human?

They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them … where is IT?

Therefore, they don’t have kids either.

Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:

I want to be a whale.

P..S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a glass of wine with my friends.

(My personal comment to this story? Yeah. Hell yeah. HELL FREAKING YEAH.)

Open Season

2011-05-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hibernation is over at the zoo....well it's actually been over since spring has "sprung". Sometimes the zookeeper goes on vacation....sometimes just her brain or mind or heart or soul goes along as well.

But the zoo is once again open. The animals have awoken from their winter slumber and are again causing panic and mayhem around here. Well that's not actually true. They've been causing mayhem all winter but like a tree in the forest, let me ask you: If the zookeeper doesn't write about it, does it really happen?

I savor my bad memory.

Welcome back. It's open season on the wild things that surround me. Oh it's on kiddos...it's so on!

Ode To A Dancer.

2010-09-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

My 24 year old is trying to find her way in the world....hard enough for the rest of us as adults; even harder when you are just starting. I woke up this morning to this song playing on the radio. As I listened to it, I started crying....it's been a trying week so I might have been at an emotional low or something. But the words made me think of my daughter and miss her even more after a recent visit we had with her. I am posting the words to the song below...in hopes that she will read them and the tune of her life will be that much sweeter. I love you, E.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making

Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance...

11,315 days...more or less.

2010-07-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

If you don't count the various leap years - it has been 11,315 days (as of today) since I gave birth to my first baby. Somehow saying the days, rather than the years, puts it in better perspective for me....because it truly feels like a lifetime ago. Can so much have really happened to me in 31 years? Can I have done so much but accomplished so little?

I had such high hopes for my life....a long list of wants and don't wants...the "don't wants" sometimes won out. But there's the funny thing about life; every single morning that you wake up and open your eyes - you get another chance at it! You get to thank the heavens that you are alive and breathing and you get a "do-over" EVERY day.

So on this 31st birthday of my oldest daughter, I say to you: Seize the day - seize the moments. I am so proud to be your mother. You are one of my "wants". I love you to the moon and back.

Fallin' for Colin

2010-06-09T11:17:00.000-07:00

It has been a really really long 25 years coming. I saw Colin Firth in a movie while I lived in Germany in the 80's. Fell for him then...fell for him hard. When I came back to the states, no one knew this young british kid I was referring to. I ranted about his sex appeal to everyone and anyone who would listen to me. Family laughed. Friends laughed. Fast forward ten or fifteen years later and suddenly, post-pride & prejudice and post-bridget jones's diary, everyone wanted a piece of this actor. Girls came out of the woodwork to find the guy in the wet, white t-shirt. No one was watching all the other dozens of really good parts he played. They all wanted to meet Mr. Darcy. When all I wanted was to meet Mr. Firth. Share a pint and a laugh with Colin the man...not the actor.

Fast forward to Santa Barbara Film Festival over Valentine's weekend. Colin was there...I was there....and somehow the planets aligned in such a way as to bring us together for a brief moment in time.

And so I fell again. I fell hard.

A New Year....A New Plan

2010-03-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the zookeeper has to take a break. Sometimes the zookeeper closes down due to the nature of the job. Sometimes the zookeeper's timecard tears or her keys to the cages don't work. In other words, don't ask about absences in the zookeeper's log and the zookeeper won't let the monkeys throw their poop at you when you visit. 'nuff said.

I'm back and I'm way behind in updating you all with the zoo's new year's resolutions on our infamous kitchen chalkboard. Here is what appeared when I cleared the Christmas Wish List and relisted the board as a place to put resolutions. Pretty tame for this zoo but yet the levity still lives on. Enjoy.

I Resolve To:

1.    Laugh more (I always try to start the board off on a positive note; it just goes downhill from there!)
2.    Weigh less than a hippo
3.    Be nicer (my youngest daughter tries to swing the board back to the positive but it doesn't last long)
4. Get straight A's (I'm more than positive this was NOT written by my teenage daughter!)
5.    "Will find nice sensible boyfriend" *B.J.D. (A quote from my 23 year old in search of Mr. Right)
6.    Park 1 car in garage (later changed to "2" cars by my ever hopeful and totally disillusioned hubby)
7.    Get some $$ from ****-go-braless (name has been purposely omitted in order to spare embarrassment, but you know who you are and we love you anyway!)
8.    Find real parents (written by teenage daughter who keeps hoping she was adopted!)
9.    Kill zombies, then Francis. (don't ask. cuz i don't know. idiot monkeys no doubt wrote this!)
10. Meet Colin Firth (oh how they all laughed at this zookeeper when I wrote that!) *Check. Done.
11. Plan PDB's big 50th Birthday Bash (oh, yes, PDB...mid-life is here at last!)

So I'm back....and the animals who live here have all come out of winter hibernation.  Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Humble Pie

2010-01-20T09:20:00.000-08:00

Normally I want to write something humorous...something funny...something comical. Not today.

I was dropping my daughter off at high school this morning and was listening to a disc jockey calling her sister, Pam, live on the air. The disc jockey wanted to get a first person story from her sister who works with a ministry of some sort and helps orphans. Pam (the sister) was working in Haiti at the time of the earthquake.

The disc jockey called her sister on the air and asked her to tell the story of what she was doing when the earthquake hit. Pam said they were luckily inside a house that was well built but survived falling down. She said it felt like it was an 8.0 compared to other California quakes she had witnessed. It went on for what seemed forever and then it stopped.

She said it was as if the world had stopped and it was deathly quiet for many seconds after they stepped outside....and then she said it was as if someone told everyone on the island, at the same time, to scream. She could hear one collective scream from the entire island.

Families knew people who could help were at this house and they started to bring injured people throughout the day. One family brought a young girl that had a severe wound down to her exposed ankle bone. Pam said the family had cut off a hunk of the girl's hair, burned it, and then stuffed it into the wound! She did not know why they had done that - perhaps their only way to stop the flow of blood. Pam had to pick the burned hair out of the cut and then try to sterilze her open wound with hydrogen peroxide. She never wanted to see something like that again.

I was sickened. I was saddened. I was humbled. If you do ANYTHING today, do something for someone else. Whether it is for someone you know; or someone you don't know...give of yourself. Don't complain for one day...one minute...nor one second. There is always someone in the world who has less than you.

I am off to eat my own slice of humble pie.

Tis The Season...Fa La La

2009-12-28T15:58:00.000-08:00

As I promised, I changed the chalkboard in our kitchen to reflect on the season of merry and giving - by asking everyone to fill in their "wishes" for the holidays. As you've seen in my previous posts, my family can get quite silly or even downright ridiculous. Well, they did not disappoint....below is the list that materialized over the first couple of weeks in December. You decide if I live in a crazy, mixed-up household!

"Wish List"
1. World Peace (of course I tried to start this off right)
2. New Roof (also a long standing wish of mine over this past year)
3. Cat Tree
4. Official Red Ryder carbine action, two-hundred shot, range model air rifle*
5. A new furnace (my kids complain when I watch the movie "A Christmas Story" but I notice they quoted several things from the movie!)
6. Tinker Toys (ah ha! another reference from "A Christmas Story")
6a. 82" T.V. (my husband obviously thinks we need another television to add to the six (yes, 6!!) we already own in this house.
7. Football
8. Snow (I had to insert this as it can be depressing celebrating the season in Southern California weather - no insult to the people in the midwest or east coast who really have to put up with snow storms)
9. "I Wanna Hippopotomus for Christmas" (this was added by my youngest who is fond of this song I had NEVER heard of till she turned me on to it this year....it really is quite a cute song and is now permanently stuck in my head - thank you very much!)
10. Spleens (written by my son who is the silliest of us all and obviously does not know we, as humans, only have one spleen!)
11. New Xmas lights 4 dad (written, i believe, by my 23 year old daughter who does not appreciate her father's ancient antique C-9 Christmas lights used for decorating the outside of our house!)
12. For my kids to eat their vegetables (written by me but within 24 hours was quickly crossed out...i've asked and asked who crossed it out but none of the brats will fess up! It could actually be any one of the 4 youngest as none of them eat any vegetables!)
13. Suzie Q fixed (this request again by my 23 year old daughter - thinking, incorrectly, that spaying or neutering animals makes them quieter or easier to live with)

* "You'll shoot your eye out!"

So ends this update regarding the health and well being of the animals who live at the zoo I call home. Are they sane? Are they silly? Are they just plain ridiculous? You be the judge. I'm going back to bed.

Turkeys....The Sequel

2009-12-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

Okay...I seriously have given birth to some silly silly children. Before I erase the chalkboard that, for the month of november, turned into one crazy list of items for which my children were thankful for - I thought I would list the few remaining items that somehow appeared on the board since last I wrote here.

13. pigs
14. a smart brother (which the word "brother" was then crossed off and someone wrote above it the word "cat")
15. oreos
16. Pablo (do not ask me what the heck this was here for....i believe it was inserted by my daughter who was taking spanish this semester...but that's just a guess folks!)
17. cinnamon rolls (definitely posted by my oldest!)
18.   Raider Nation (NOT posted by anyone in my family!...must have been my son-in-law)
19.   clean socks
20.   stupid stuff

So hopefully, you all will feel sorry for me and what I have to put up with here at this crazy zoo I call "home".

In the meantime, check back here soon because my son has requested that I erase our "Thankful" list and replace it with a "Wish" list for Christmas season...Oh I just can't wait for the wisdom that will spill forth from their little pea brains now.

There are silly turkeys living at my house.

2009-11-17T09:29:00.000-08:00

I thought I would do something seasonal on the chalkboard hanging on the brick wall in my kitchen. Since I purchased this chalkboard about a year ago, it has announced many happenings (the birth of our first grandchild), relayed notes to my children, even conveyed a bit of silliness from time to time. But this time I thought I would delve into the workings of my 3 teenagers' minds and maybe they would enlighten me as to what they might be thankful for this thanksgiving season. If I could not get them to talk to me (as most teenagers believe their parents are idiots), I figured I would trick them into revealing what might be really really important to them. This way I could tuck them into bed at night knowing (insert "hoping" or "wishing" here) that they were really good kids looking out for others and loving our family unconditionally. Yeah. What was I thinking? I guess I really AM an idiot. The picture above shows the insane workings in the minds of the lunatics I call my three youngest offspring. To give them their due, my son said he did include some things my husband might be thankful for!

There are silly turkeys living at my house.

Mama's got the brain pain

2009-11-14T07:17:00.000-08:00

This is really a "p.s." to yesterday's post....I thought I might mention a couple of other weird or crazy things about myself.

First, I have major o.c.d. AND short term memory. Not only do I check that the front door is locked (and that I've put my keys in my purse) a zillion times - but five seconds after doing that, I've forgotten all about it and I check another zillion times...and don't get me started on how I have to tweek the picture frames in our house if someone has even dared to move them!

Second, I see dead people...or ghosts...whatever you want to call them. Now don't go running to delete my blog from your favorites list just yet. Let me explain that I did NOT believe in such matters when I was younger. Then one night I was lying in bed (awake still!) and I actually saw a white figure pass right through my bedroom door, float across the room at the foot of the bed and proceed to pass right through the wall to outside! I thought my husband (ex first husband) was asleep but then I heard him say "did you just see that?" Swear to god, it really happened.

I forgot about it for awhile until things started happening when I got remarried in my 30's. I have actually seen a young girl on many many occasions. I have heard her talking to my cat when I thought no one was home but myself. It would make me go in search of my youngest daughter thinking she had come home from school early...but no one would be there. I thought I was crazy until my children also started seeing things move in our house. We have witnessed plants moving on their own; a bag of coffee move across the kitchen counter; magnets fly off the refrigerator across the room in mid air and hit me in the back! I even saw what I describe as a shadow person walk across my living room - yes people, i was awake and standing!

I don't want to see ANY of this. Believe me when I say it is very scary and I would rather not have to ever see this again. So spooks and spirits - ghosts and goblins, please go somewhere else...leave....go into the light...whatever it takes.

I can not help you. I am not Jennifer Love Hewitt (although I wish to god I looked like her!)

Welcome to the asylum that is my life.

2009-11-13T10:18:00.000-08:00

Most people would want to write about their history in a new blog...or what prompted them to start writing a blog in the first place.   Well, I am just like the rest of you in that I just want to rant, rave, vent, share, and talk to someone other than myself while the hubby is at work and the children still living at home are at school. This will be an added benefit to this zookeeper's husband as he won't have to listen to crap when he comes home. I will have gotten my issues down on paper (keypad) and hopefully expelled any remaining demons by dinnertime. Plus, the animals are just not listening to me anymore!

So, instead, I've decided to play the game everyone else plays in the blogging world and tell you some weird, wacky, or otherwise unknown facts about myself that few might not know about me...however boring they might seem to you, please don't stop reading my blog because you find out i'm abnormally "normal".

uno:   when I was very young, I stole a package of grape bubblegum balls from a store while I was with my mom. When we got home and she saw me pull them out of my coat pocket, she made me go back to the store and return them and tell the shopkeeper I was sorry. As mortifying as that might seem, I can still remember the taste of one of the gumballs that I popped in my mouth right before handing the package back!

2:   I used to be a pretty good swimmer when I was on the team in high school. I even made it to state finals and the best I placed was third but that was good enough for me. I was so skinny then that my teammates used to call me "Q-tip" when I would put my white bathing cap on. If you tell this story to my youngest children, they will laugh and not believe that I could actually be called "skinny". I try to remind them that they are the reason I am not skinny anymore but they are too busy wiping the tears from their eyes.   Brats, every one of them!

c:   When I was younger (in my 20's), I always happened to be in the right place at the right time for meeting famous people.   Senators, actors, famous musicians - you name them and I would meet them. It helped that I worked as a bartender for a few years (and that I was still in my "skinny" days).  It is a joke around my household and family about how many famous people I used to date. To put it in perspective, my son once said to me "mom, why don't you just let us know who you DIDN'T date. That would be easier!" Refer to post #2 here. Brats, every last one of them!

and last but not at all least: I was tested for my I.Q. in third grade and was placed in a mentally gifted minor program due to my test score of 141!...Now that may sound like bragging to you but really it is just me on an investigative quest to find out where that went. So if any of you have been walking the streets lately and have come across my missing brain cells just lying around in the gutter, please forward them to me via any means possible...(oh, and be on the lookout for my 24" waist. I've misplaced that as well.)

"I've lost my marbles and I don't know where I left them"