Blowing in the wind.

A tumbleweed blew across the road this morning...and for a brief moment, I felt my eyes sting with tears.  I wanted to get out of the car and roll into a ball and follow it down the road.  No worries...no responsibilities...no need to eat or drink or sleep...no need to deal with the crap that life throws at you.  Just the neverending pleasure of going where the wind blows.

Then a song came on the radio that reminded me of my children...and it pulled me back to reality and the life I lead right now.

I will have to ease on down the road some other day.  Good day sweet tumbleweed.  Happy journey.

Glee (noun): open delight or pleasure

There have been three recent teen deaths in our community.  Two have been proven suicides and the last is undetermined, but most likely, alcohol related.  Very sad...very sad indeed.  I can't imagine how their families are dealing with the pain.  I feel it deeply.  I have five children of my own; three are still teens living at home.

So I was thinking this past week on why I should be grateful for my own teenagers...why I should be thankful that they are who they are.  At first, I thought this could be tough.  There are days where I could just get in the car and drive away from the madness.  Other days, I feel like throwing them all in the trunk and driving them to some far away desert, with no water or electricity or toilet facilities.  But then, somewhere in my brain (and heart) a switch turned on....and I was enlightened.

My 16 year old daughter loves the show "Glee".  Did I say "loves"?  I meant LOVES!  It doesn't help that she has fallen for two of the actors; Chris Colfer and Max Adler.  She is extremely artistic and considers a perfect day is when I leave her alone so she can draw, create, and play games on her laptop, all while watching 12 hours of Glee episodes.  She is not interested in alcohol, drugs, or parties.  How darn lucky am I??

My 14 year old son plays football, loves to come home after school and considers the perfect weekend as being one where I leave him alone to play games on the Playstation and watch the Patriots kick butt.  That's it.  He is still shy, loves to eat, loves to be home and is not interested in drugs, alcohol, parties, girls or dating (yet!).  How many parents can say that?

I also have a 13 year old daughter.  She will be someone to watch as she is the social butterfly.  Still a bit shy but makes friends easily, is into fashion and makeup, loves her family, loves her animals and although she likes boys, is not "into" dating them (yet!).  She also has found a common interest with her sister in the show "Glee".  I have to give a shout out to "Glee" as they have brought my girls together again and it warms this mother's heart to hear them in each others rooms either discussing the next episode or watching past ones.  Thank you...thank you...THANK YOU!

When I think back on this last week, with the tragedies and funerals, I was originally sad and extremely depressed about life.  Then I found my soul.  I picked up my children from school and listened to them laughing and I was born again.  My kids were safe...and good...and gleeful.

I am rich beyond words.  I am gleeful myself.

A whale of a good time.

Recently in a large city in Australia, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.  It said, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)

They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.

They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.

They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia.

Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.

They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.

They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist.

If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human?

They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex?  Just look at them … where is IT?

Therefore, they don’t have kids either.

Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:

I want to be a whale.

P..S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a glass of wine with my friends.

(My personal comment to this story?  Yeah.  Hell yeah.  HELL FREAKING YEAH.)

Open Season

Hibernation is over at the zoo....well it's actually been over since spring has "sprung".  Sometimes the zookeeper goes on vacation....sometimes just her brain or mind or heart or soul goes along as well.

But the zoo is once again open.  The animals have awoken from their winter slumber and are again causing panic and mayhem around here.  Well that's not actually true.  They've been causing mayhem all winter but like a tree in the forest, let me ask you:  If the zookeeper doesn't write about it, does it really happen?

I savor my bad memory.

Welcome back.  It's open season on the wild things that surround me.  Oh it's on kiddos...it's so on!

Ode To A Dancer.

My 24 year old is trying to find her way in the world....hard enough for the rest of us as adults; even harder when you are just starting.  I woke up this morning to this song playing on the radio.  As I listened to it, I started crying....it's been a trying week so I might have been at an emotional low or something.  But the words made me think of my daughter and miss her even more after a recent visit we had with her.  I am posting the words to the song below...in hopes that she will read them and the tune of her life will be that much sweeter.  I love you, E.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making

Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance...

11,315 days...more or less.

If you don't count the various leap years - it has been 11,315 days (as of today) since I gave birth to my first baby.  Somehow saying the days, rather than the years, puts it in better perspective for me....because it truly feels like a lifetime ago.  Can so much have really happened to me in 31 years?  Can I have done so much but accomplished so little?

I had such high hopes for my life....a long list of wants and don't wants...the "don't wants" sometimes won out.  But there's the funny thing about life; every single morning that you wake up and open your eyes - you get another chance at it!  You get to thank the heavens that you are alive and breathing and you get a "do-over" EVERY day.

So on this 31st birthday of my oldest daughter, I say to you:  Seize the day - seize the moments.  I am so proud to be your mother.  You are one of my "wants". I love you to the moon and back.

Fallin' for Colin

It has been a really really long 25 years coming.  I saw Colin Firth in a movie while I lived in Germany in the 80's.  Fell for him then...fell for him hard.  When I came back to the states, no one knew this young british kid I was referring to.  I ranted about his sex appeal to everyone and anyone who would listen to me.  Family laughed.  Friends laughed.  Fast forward ten or fifteen years later and suddenly, post-pride & prejudice and post-bridget jones's diary, everyone wanted a piece of this actor.  Girls came out of the woodwork to find the guy in the wet, white t-shirt.  No one was watching all the other dozens of really good parts he played.  They all wanted to meet Mr. Darcy. When all I wanted was to meet Mr. Firth.  Share a pint and a laugh with Colin the man...not the actor.

Fast forward to Santa Barbara Film Festival over Valentine's weekend.  Colin was there...I was there....and somehow the planets aligned in such a way as to bring us together for a brief moment in time.

And so I fell again. I fell hard.